Saala, one more has come to become Journalist

Sometimes you get puzzled, you start questioning self and looking for answers. You meticulously try to decipher your past. You keep on doing this for many days. You approach dear ones for response, ignore things which you don’t want to hear. You want to listen what your heart yearns for. You begin to close eyes to the realities. You try to take your eyes away from past.  

You keep on wondering and questioning. 

When I look at myself 15 years ago, things were different and now things are still different. Then, I was focused yet confused and now, I am in almost same situation.

For eight long years, I have worked, lived and enjoyed being a journalist. I wrapped up these years of my identity in journalism and almost every major good thing in my life (personally and professionally) can be linked in some way to journalism. But now I want to leave news.

Almost around 15 years ago, when my friends were aspiring to become doctors, engineers, managers and Indian Administrative Services or Indian Police Services officer, I thought something different – Journalism. I was not in vogue and many of friends were apprehensive about it. I was brought up in an industrial town – Dhanbad -- which is known for coal mines. Most of my friends’ parents were employed with Coal India as doctors, engineers and managers. I too belong from same family background and my father is senior engineer. Convent educated, I was doing good. 

I live everyday with a dream to become a newsman after completing my schooling despite I used to 

never read newspapers. 

I shifted to Patna for graduation in 1997.

I was not very serious in academics and I avoided examinations however I managed through graduation with fairly good marks. I rarely applied for any government job. My only job was to interact and meet as many as people and listen to them. I am a good listener. I never disclosed people what I wanted to become. I had gone lived bad days during graduation. I had become local ruffian but was not involved in any criminal activities. I was involved in street fights.  

After graduation, I came to Delhi in 2002. Fair decision! 

I was not very serious enough about my career but somewhere in my heart, I always lived with a dream to become a journalist. I wasted two year though there was extreme pressure from my father to pursue management studies. I just wanted to study. I started loving reading and gradually writing.

I lied to parents and joined journalism course in a very small-time college where they do not provide placements and fees was almost negligible compare to management studies. I paid Rs 9300 for the course that I arranged from my friends and family. This was a first step towards my dream as newsman. 

Friends criticised.

They suggested me to apply for various government jobs and to pursue management studies. They mocked at me even few stopped interacting with me. In comparison to my graduation days, I maintained a very limited friends circle in Delhi. I stopped talking to many.  

I was struggling for survival. 

Money was biggest issue for me in Delhi. I was having and still having a habit of smoking and I was spendthrift. I was only able to mange to have food and after paying rent. Left with no money, I was tough for me to attend classes. I had to travel to and fro Munirka to KG Marg and for that I needed Rs 20 per day which makes Rs 600 per month.    

Seeing the tough situation I was facing, a few friends come forward to help me out.  Friend I made in journalism class helped me out. After 15 days of joining journalism classes in 2004, a friend offered in a part time job in a almost ‘dead’ magazine (as it was last published in 2000) where I had to type and proof read few articles. In a dingy outhouse of a posh bungalow in Vasant Vihar, I was assigned to do this job where there was only one computer. Left with no other option for survival, I took up the challenge and started doing proof reading.

I was happy but not content. 

While was studying and doing part-time job, I got a job offer in a small-time fashion magazine. I got an opportunity to cover fashion and appeal industry. The office was situated in Outer Delhi’s Mangolpuri.  I was a newsman and started covering fashion. But those were though days as I had to manage my class at Central Delhi, home at south Delhi and office at Outer Delhi. I almost travelled around 70 kilometres in various busses thought-out a day.  I was not performing well in office but was managing things over there. There was no one to guide or teach me and I was on my own. I learnt about appeal industry and fashion and was lucky enough to cover a few fashion show and able to meet Bollywood stalwarts.  

I was in high spirits but it did not last long. 

I quit the magazine job after I completed with journalism. I wanted to become real-time journalist – investigative reporter. I started looking for job. I started looking job in regular newspapers and news channel.  Unaware how one gets job in media industry, I started visiting newspaper offices. Surprisingly, except five newspapers – The Hindu, The Tribune, The Statesman, Deccan Herald and The Indian Express – and a news agency – UNI, I was almost thrown out of the office where security guards used to mock at me and ask to submit my resume to them. “Like you, there are thousands of people come to office to submit their resume,” said almost every security guard to television news houses and leading newspaper houses. “Saala ek aur aaya hai Journalist banane,” heard several times when thrown out of the offices. I felt humiliated and disgraced.    

I was depressed and desperate.

I was with no money and no job and have borrowed whole lot of money from friends. My roommate – Pankaj Kumar Singh -- requested me to join a weather news agency and copy editor as he was leaving it and joining Asian News International. 

I reluctantly joined. I started travelling from Munirka to Noida. I started learning about weather reports and forecast. It was interesting. I was asked also write report in Hindi for some news channels. I did not know how to type in Hindi and I was though for me. I managed to learn a bit of Hindi tying. I was fun and boss was happy with my part of job. When he spoke to me about my career and saw desperation to become a journalist, he referred me to some of his journalist friends but with no success.

I was still looking for job.

While the hunt for job was on, I got in touch with a professor of a media college who offered me a job of book editing. I started going to one of the biggest publishing house for training after few days leave from the weather news agency. But before I got an offer letter, I quit weather news agency. Unfortunately, I could not get a job at publishing house as they were paying pea nuts compare to what they promised. I left the offer arrogantly. 

  

I back on street with no job.

I applied in The Statesman through one of my classmate. I got a call from there for a written test. I appeared for the test but could make through. I cried a lot when I came to know about it but could share with anyone with a guilt feeling that I got an opportunity but I failed. I stop meeting friends and keep on reading books to console myself. 

It was of no help.

I was just managing things with no job in my hand. My younger brother Amit Kumar came to Delhi after completing BBA from Bangalore. We were staying together and he was applying for Master in Business Management.  He was managing my finances and was motivating me. I was hunting for jobs. A friend approached me with a freelance job of preparing pre-poll analysis with a survey company.  They were paying ok. I agreed and went to Sultanpur and Jhansi in Uttar Pradesh for around 10 days to prepare the pre-poll report. I visited these two districts and talked to various people and local leader and met infamous UP leader Raja Bhiya -- Raghuraj Pratap Singh.  Made few friends returned and managed to get few thousand bucks for survival. It was in 2006 before Uttar Pradesh assembly election. 

Hunt was on. I had lost hope and only few friends and younger brother were supporting me.  It was almost two years of struggle and it was one of the darkest phases of my life. It was my brother Amit Kumar and friend Anshuman Gungan who were motivating me.  I turned to drinks and yoga and started looking for jobs in small-time magazines for survival.  All doors were closed. It was like I was begging for jobs.  

The night seems to be very long. I was completely broke.  

Suddenly, one day Anshuman came to meet at Munirka and asked me whether I was interested to move out of Delhi. I immediately replied ‘yes’. He in front of me made a call to one of his friend in Rajasthan’s Jaipur and told her that one of his friends (me) was interested in joining DNA newspaper. He gave me her email id and asked to send my resume to her immediately.  I saw a ray of hope. I mailed her resume but did not get any response from her for a month. Anshuman asked to keep in touch with her but I was avoiding it. 

It was August 11 and I was consuming alcohol at one of my friends place at Laxmi Nagar on terrace at around 9 pm.  Anshuman gave me a call and asked me to call his friend in Jaipur immediately.  I said I will call her later but he got furious and angrily reiterated to call his friend in next few minutes. I reluctantly called her.  She told me that my resume has become victim of office politics and concerned Editor did not get your resume. “The editor is expecting a call as I have mentioned about you that you want to relocate to Jaipur from Delhi,” she said on the other said of the phone with a strict instruction to call the editor immediately. 

I said that I will call the editor in the morning but she insisted me to call the Editor immediately. I complied though I could not say anything to her about my current situation – I had already three pegs of Royal Stag whisky. 

After attending the call, I was in shock as I was asked to the call the editor in immediate basis. The friend of mine who was drinking -- Sanjeev Kumar Singh alias Laloo – boosted me with his motivation speeches and convinced me to make a call. 

I gave telephonic interview bring drunk.

Charged with the motivational repeated dialogues of Sanjeev, I ranged up the editor and found that The Editor was female.  I got more cautious. She asked me about my education background and present employment and past experiences. I honestly replied that I have no job in hand at present and I am looking for one. I told her about my past journalism experiences. She any how found my reply satisfactory and asked me to come to Jaipur by next morning and told me about the route and means of transportation available at that point of time. She then disconnected the saying ‘will meet tomorrow’.

I was totally blank. 

I told this development to Anshuman and his friend in Jaipur and Sanjeev. Excited over development, Sanjeev rushed to alcohol shop as it was 9: 50 pm and bought another bottle of whisky. I gulped two more pegs took an auto rickshaw to Munirka where I was staying with my school mate and very dear friend -- Prem Kant Mishra. He was also shocked to find me drunk and my sudden announcement of going to Jaipur at around 11 pm. He thought was saying this in drunken state but he after getting sure about the development allowed me to go to Jaipur. I packed my bags and went to Dhaula Kuan to catch a bus for Jaipur. I boarded a bus and went to sleep. 

By 5 am, I got down at Sindhi Camp bus depot at Jaipur. I took a room in a hotel and went to sleep.  At 11 am, I woke and gave a call to the editor who asked me to reach office by 3 pm. I enquired about the address and was looking for bus. But found that city has not very good bus services. I took an auto went to the office called the Editor and went inside to meet her. 

Jaipur is still a Pink city.

She welcomed me and interviewed me. Thereafter, I was asked to appear for a written test. I appeared for the test. After completing it she asked me to take a break for an hour and return to the office by 8 pm. I went again. As I entered, she saw me and told me that I have to appear for another test and thereafter she would let me know whether I have been shortlisted for final round interview.   

Tensed, I appeared for another test – Page designing on Quark Xpress. Thankfully, I knew basics of the software. I was trying to figure out how to make a newspaper page. Then a man named Rajeev Singh sitting beside me and was silently seeing on my computer and my face. He guided me with the style and format of the page. I anyhow manage to put up the show but was scared that I will fail in the test.

I submitted the print-out of the page and while doing so the Editor gave me a scary look seeing the page. She thanked me and asked me leave for the hotel. ‘Will intimate you,” she said. I walked out of the office with teary eyes. I did not know how to return home as there was no auto rickshaw. I sat a tea shop and sat over there and started smoking cigarettes and thinking about my life and past for long.  “What shall I do if I do get this job? What would I tell my parents,” I kept pondering. The whole lot of negative thought crept and kept taunting me. I kept smoking to keep those thought away.

I was lost.

 

Suddenly the man who helped me in making pages -- Rajeev Singh -- appeared before me and asked me what I was doing as it was around 11: 30 pm. I told him I was looking for an auto rickshaw but could get any and was wondering how I would return to my hotel.

Man a very few words, Rajeev did not speak much to me and gave lift to my hotel. I went to look for a liquor shop and bought a whisky bottle and had four pegs and went to sleep as I had to leave to Delhi next day. 

I woke up next around 11 am only to find five miss calls on mobile phone from the Editor. I call back her only to find that I have visit the office again for another round interview. I thanked god. I reached there by 2 pm and went straight to her. She without looking at me said to meet Human Resource Manager for another round of interview at first floor of the building.

I met the HR manager. She smiled and welcomed me and gave an envelope and asked me to check outside. She congratulated me for joining their organsisation. I was expressionless for little moment and started sweating and shivering.  It was unbelievable. I thanked her and went outside to open the envelope.  

I got an offer letter. I was offered a post a sub-editor in one of the leading newspaper -- DNA.

I took a deep breath went to meet the Editor, thanked her and rushed outside to the office. I wanted to madly dance, run, jump and shout. But I called up Anshuman, younger brother Amit Kumar, then my mother and father and thereafter Sanjeev and many more friends. I was crying while calling them and within few minutes it started raining. I got drenched in rain and enjoyed walking for almost an hour.  

I got an opportunity in a newspaper and will gradually become investigative reporter, I assured myself. The doors have opened and I am in. 

But things changed...... now I want to leave news. 

I’ve put a lot of thought into answering ‘why,’ and I have a lot to say... 

(To be Continued)